Saturday, October 27, 2007

I Swear I'm Not Gay

I am hetero, through and through. I have no interest in sausage. I love vagina. I love curves. I hate hair. That being said, I have some serious crushes I've developed over the past few months and these crushes are on men. Could I be gay? Am I bi? I feel as confused as a 12 year old boy finding out that that Dumbledore is gay (I always thought Harry was. OK I've never read a single line of Harry Potter).

Let me tell you about my man crushes.

"The Role Model"

Matt Ryan

Boston College quarterback. This guy is the all-American boy. I wish my son was about 10 years older, so he would have "Matty Heisman" as his hero and role model. He is as poised in front of the camera as he is in the 2 minute drill. At the college level, he has it all, good looks, an 8-0 record and a shot at the BCS National Championship. If there ever was a "BMOC" (big man on campus) he would be it. At 22 years old he will be a number 1 pick in this April's NFL draft making him rich and handsome. I like 'em young.

"The Bad Boy "

Josh Beckett

I love this guys attitude. He has the Clemensesque sneer without the cockiness. His disheveled appearance matches his "I don't give a shit what you think" attitude (man is that sexy!). He is young, 27 years old, but is one of the most accomplished pitchers in playoff history. He is the best pitcher in baseball on the best team in baseball playing in the best sports town in baseball. The world is his oyster and I'm happy to be swimming in the same ocean. He's a "bad boy" without the rap sheet or the tabloid fodder. I absolutely love this guy!

"The Man"

Tom Brady

There is not a man on the planet that doesn't want to be Tom Brady. He has it all. Giselle, Bridget, a baby boy, 3 going on 4 Super Bowl rings, Saturday Night Live, GQ, Goats and the list goes on and on. Tom would get a reach around and I would not expect one in return, he's that hot. How many guys can knock up one gorgeous woman, start dating a supermodel and lead your team to the AFC Championship game in a two month span? Only #12.

Honorable Mention (Not quite reach-around worthy, but close)

Randy Moss- He would be my bad boy, if he were being bad. He has decided instead of smoking weed, mooning fans, squirting water bottles at refs, running over cops and leaving the field before the game is over, to catch touchdowns and torch defenders. I don't have a crush, but I'd do him if I was drunk (or stoned).

Mike Vrabel- Steeler cast off has become a Pats mainstay. I love his versatility and get all tingly inside when he scores on offense. Nine career receptions, nine touchdowns. This guy knows how to score!! Yum.

Big Papi- Clutch. I love him. He gets taken for granted because its just expected that he will perform. I am not attracted to "Bears", but if I were, Papi would fit the bill.

Well, am I gay? Maybe. What do you care? Who gives a shit? Gay or not I love these guys and have big time crushes. I am star struck and as giddy as a school girl whenever I watch them perform.

As I was transfixed to the TV this morning watching a NESN report about Matt Ryan's performance against V Tech Thursday night, my boy was trying to get my attention. I didn't get what he said, but came out of my "Matty Heisman "daze in time to hear my wife tell him " he didn't hear you, he is to busy watching his boyfriend". I guess my man- crushes are transparent and obvious. Can't a guy have a crush?


Mushy said...

Well, I don't know you that well, and I don't know any of these guys, so I won't comment further.

David Sullivan said...

Oh Mush you've never had a man crush! I banged my wife this morning so I'm definately straight.

Mushy said...

Oh, I was never in doubt of that...just ribbing you a little.

David Sullivan said...

You still didn't admit if you had a man-crush! he, he, lol

CapCity said...

lol at this post! i'm just taking a hiatus break to say hey to my blog-folk! u be good, now, DS!

David Sullivan said...

Cap: My buddy Marcus calls me "DS" all the time and I find that endearing. Glad you're still keeping tabs on everyone.

Suldog said...

Psssst... Cuz..... The Fix worked!

(See my blog for the details....)

David Sullivan said...

Now Vrabel is 10 TD for 10 receptions.

Don said...

David, although I've only been blogging for roughly 3 months, I've never seen a postquite like this

David Sullivan said...

Don: Come out of the closet and tell us about your man-crush!

plez... said...


have you ever sipped chardonnay at Fenway while watching the Sox?!? i didn't think so... your NOT gay! but i think you've got a serious man-crush on your local teams' stars (winning is a serious aphrodesiac) ... and you got it pretty bad!

you almost beat me to it, but if the Patsies beat the Colts on Sunday, i will offically proclaim boston (and the new england area) the new center of the sports universe... keep an eye out on plezWorld for the post!

Nissa said...

People should read this.

Patrick said...

You might consider exploring the g0y website.
Man crushes or 'bromance' are not unusual. There are plenty of guys that acknowledge their feelings of same-gender-affection, whether sexual or non-sexual, and feel no guilt or wonder if they are 'sick' or out of place. Varying degrees of same-gender-attraction is the NORM. Only 38-40% of guys claim to be totally heterosexual. Many g0ys are married and only interested in our buddies as in Close Bonds of Brotherhood. "Band of Brothers". What sets us apart is that we're totally turned off by the disgusting behavior and stereotypes in the gAy community, so we are definitely NOT gAy. We distance ourselves from the personas that dominate their center stage and what no association with the stigma that gAy has become. David, you're part of the potential majority of guys that can appreciate another male, without any guilt or needed to feminize oneself. Celebrate masculinity, yours and all your buddy's as well!


Patrick said...

Dang those typos.

what no association = WANT no association

needed to feminize = need to feminize


Ryan ReBoRn said...

I agree with Patrick. You're definitely not gay for having man crushes because there's nothing wrong with finding guys to be aesthetically appealing.

You DO sound g0y to me though, you might want to check out the sight for yourself.

USNA FB. said...

Hey man,

Great Post. I have a crush on Matt Ryan as well but I hate its a toss up sometimes.

Word of Warning stay away from those gOy guys, they are just creepy old gay guys who are obsessed with the fact that they do not have anal sex so they think they are not gay. I looked at the website and it is very "protest to much." They are gay.

Again great post.

Ryan ReBoRn said...

Not really, USNA. It makes as much sense to call a g0y guy gay as it makes sense to call a horse a zebra. Just because two things share a common trait (ie: same-sexuality in the case of g0y vs. gay and having four legs in the case of the horse and the zebra) doesn't mean that they are both the same or both "gay". That's a syllogistic fallacy.

The distinction only needs to be made because, at this point in time, gay can include just about anything under the sun that includes same sex attractions and g0ys find that to be unacceptable. Because, in actuality, there IS a line where people tend to get hurt. Pretending like all behaviors are equal and, as such, tolerating all behaviors does nothing to change the FACT that anal (whether male/male or male/female) spreads disease into the population with far more proficiency than all other sex acts combined. (Based on results released by the CDC.)

And you don't even want him to visit the sight for himself? What are you afraid of, that the guy will think for himself and decide that it actually makes sense to him?

Matt Grappler said...

Well said Ryan. Hey, we seem to cross paths now and then, don't we?

Speaking of "protest to much", I truly think those that try to dissuade others from visiting the g0y website are protesting the most. G0ys share their link; not twisting anyone's arms, or intending controversy, but there is someone who comes along who tries to steer men away with misinformation. I'm very suspicious when someone does that. It makes me want to go see just what he doesn't want ME to know.

And 'creepy old...'? 1) Many g0ys are heterosexual, just as the blogger has described himself. 2) I don't think Ryan is creepy, nor are any other g0y men I am acquainted with, and we certainly are of all ages; from 18 to 70. But I have certainly met plenty of creepy gAys that try to malign a group of men that most of these athletes would likely identify with more readily than what we see often in 'gAy pride parades'. 3) I suspect USNA will never have to worry about connecting with any of the type of guys represented in this blog post. If he sticks to his gAy lifestyle, we'll all be happy. [rolls eyes, tongue-in-cheek] Cheers, bro's!

Matt Grappler

Anonymous said...

Sound like a g0y guy to me. Yup. I love some of my buds - lots, but don't relate to "Queer *anything*". Absolutely N0 inclination to do the butt-nasty, -but have messed around with wrestl'n a guy(or2) into "giv'n it up" -always totally respectful. I know what the "best" in the word "BEST-FRIENDS" is truly about. It's a guy thing (a g0y thing) --NOT a gAy-thing!

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